How to Heal Abandonment Issues as an Adult
Published January 17, 2023
You may not realize it, but many of the mental health concerns you might be facing today stem from abandonment issues.
According to this article, the fear of being left alone can harm relationships in more ways than one. For one, it can lead to self-abandonment, which makes you more prone to depression. If not dealt with, it can also lead to a string of unfulfilling and even abusive relationships.
But how do you heal abandonment issues?
We all have different ways of dealing with our fears and traumas. So the process of healing can be different for each of us. But one thing is for sure: if you want to get over your abandonment issues, you need to understand it first.
What is a Fear of Abandonment?
As the name suggests, fear of abandonment is the persistent feeling of dread or anxiety that the people in your life will leave or reject you. It usually stems from experiences that leave a deep and often unaddressed trauma.
You see, losing something or someone is inevitable in life. Some of us have learned to cope with it. But if you have abandonment issues, you tend to feel an overwhelming fear in anticipation of that loss.
This fear causes you to subconsciously push people away from you while forming unhealthy attachments to the wrong people. In some cases, it may even lead to self-destructive behavior, which affects not just you but also the people around you.
What Causes Fear of Abandonment?
As I said, abandonment issues stem from traumatic experiences such as:
- separation from one or both parents
- death of a loved one
- death of a beloved pet
- being constantly misunderstood
- lack of affection from the immediate family
- childhood abuse (both physical and emotional)
- abusive relationships
- getting cheated on in current or previous relationships
- constantly high stress levels
- living in foster homes
- traumatic accidents
- emotionally unavailable parents
Signs of Abandonment Issues
Your fear of being abandoned and left behind can manifest in various ways, such as:
- an overwhelming urge to please people
- needing constant reassurance
- attachment or codependency
- fear of intimacy
- inability to trust other people
- sabotaging relationships
- clinging to unhealthy relationships
In most cases, people with abandonment issues don’t realize they have it until it’s too late. This prevents them from seeking help and addressing the issue.
So if you or someone you know is exhibiting the above behavioral problems, know that there are things you can do to help them or yourself get over those fears.
How to Heal Abandonment Issues
If you want to heal your abandonment issues and build healthy relationships, the following tips can help:
1. Acknowledge Your Abandonment Issues
The first step to healing any kind of disorder is to diagnose the disorder. Similarly, the first step to healing your abandonment issues is to acknowledge that you have one.
Yes, it’s easier said than done. Admitting that you have abandonment issues requires facing emotions that you’ve buried for so long. Besides, acknowledging your fears of abandonment is tantamount to admitting that you are vulnerable – that other people have the power to hurt you.
But you see, you cannot begin your healing process if you cannot have an honest conversation with yourself. When you finally get the courage to confront yourself in the mirror, that’s when you know that you are ready to face your fears head-on.
2. Learn to Put Yourself First
When you’re afraid of being rejected or left behind, you tend to do everything to make them stay. You think that if you acquiesce to their wishes or give them whatever they want, they won’t have any reason to leave. Before you know it, you’re already becoming a doormat.
To allow yourself to heal, you need to learn to put yourself first. Prioritize your wants and needs. Define your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to say “no”. If something or someone makes you uncomfortable, don’t be scared to speak up about it.
Yes, you may lose people this way. But remember that you can never please everyone. Besides, the people who’ll leave are not worth keeping anyway.
3. Work on Trusting Other People
Abandonment issues also tend to give rise to trust issues, especially in romantic relationships. If you’ve been cheated on or betrayed before, there’s always that anxiety that someone else will do it again. With this, you often find it hard to trust other people.
That’s why, if you want to heal your abandonment issues, you need to work on your trust issues first. Instead of doubting them right away, give people the chance to prove themselves.
As you learn to trust people, you also slowly learn to open yourself up and become vulnerable. It helps you gain enough courage to finally let go of that fear of betrayal that’s been eating you up from the inside.
4. Seek a Support System
People who have a strong support system are less likely to have abandonment issues. They feel more secure in the knowledge that someone will always have their back.
So go ahead and find people who truly understand you. Hang out with people who you can be truly yourself without having to try and make a good impression. Surround yourself with people who lift you up instead of bringing you down.
5. Embrace Your Trauma
No matter how hard we try, we can never turn back time. That means you can’t undo all the bad things that happened to you. The only thing you can do now is to embrace them. They may have caused you immeasurable trauma, but they also helped you become the person you are right now.
Instead of letting those bad memories haunt you, use them as encouragement. Remember the saying that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? All the horrible things that happened to you didn’t kill you, so they can only make you stronger. Think about that and use it as a motivation to forgive yourself and forgive the people who’ve hurt you.
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About The Author
Judy Ponio is a professional writer and devoted Christian. She has a passion for writing about topics related to morality and helping the poor and homeless. She is the lead author for the Our Father’s House Soup Kitchen blog.
Correct Digital, Inc is paid by private donors to provide website digital marketing services to this non-profit organization.
